Tax Jokes – Tax Return
Letter to the IRS
A letter to the IRS
Dear Internal Revenue Service:
Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe
$3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA
Today newspaper, dated 12 November, wherein you will see the
Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying
$171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.
I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six
(6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot,
bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the
overpayment of $22.00 to the “Presidential Election Fund,” as
noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them
one (1) 1.5″ Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from
USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for
1.5″ Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look
forward to paying it again next year.
A Satisfied Taxpayer
Christmas Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blonde Christmas Trees
Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,
“I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s decorated or not!”
Funny Jokes – Superstition
Don’t you know it’s bad luck to be superstitious?
I thank my lucky stars I’m not superstitious!
Superstition, n. – Another person’s religion
2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. – That antibiotic doesn’t work anymore.
Here, eat this root
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, “Will you marry me?”
She said, “No.”
And they lived happily ever after.
HOW TO GET WEALTHY
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A BIKER WHEN:
– Your best friends are named after animals.
– Your best shoes have steel toes.
– You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher.
– Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbwire.
– You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste of them.
– You ever bought saddlebags so you can carry more beer.
– You’re only sunburned on the back of your hands.
– You carry a picture of your bike in your wallet.
– Any day you ride is a good day.
– Your other vehicle is a truck with motorcycle ramps in it.
– Your three piece suit is Chaps, Leather Vests & a Leather Jacket.
– Your kids learn to ride on the back of your bike before they can walk.
– Your garage has more square footage than your house.
– Your coffee table collapses from the weight of motorcycle magazines
– You throw a party and more bikes show up than cars.
Joke of the Day – Famous Quotes – Funny Quotes – Joan Rivers Quotes
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.”
– Joan Rivers
Sound travels slowly.
Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don’t reach them till they’re in their 40s!
A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. “How much do you want for the mower?” asked the preacher? “I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle”, said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, “Will you take my bike in trade for it?” The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and after riding the bike around a little while said, “Mister, you’ve got yourself a deal.”
The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, “I can’t get this mower to start.”
The little boy said, “That’s because you have to cuss at it to get it started.”
The preacher said, “I am a minister, and I cannot cuss. It has been so long since I have been saved that I do not even remember how to cuss.”
The little boy looked at him happily and said, “Just keep pulling on that rope. It’ll come back to ya!”
S I G N S
Awning Manufacturer’s Door: “Just a shade better.”
Camouflage Store: “Wise guise.”
Chicken Incubator: “Cheepers By The Dozen”
Dormitory Bathtub: “Don’t forget your ring!”
Elevator Door: “This elevator is out of whack… more whack is on order.”
Midget’s Summer House: “TOO LODGE”
Minister’s Bills: “Due unto others.”
Operating Room Entrance: “May I Cut In?”
Restaurant #4: “Our tongue sandwiches speak for themselves.”
Restaurant Menu (Texas): “Remember the à la mode!”
Scuba Diving Store: “We carry a complete line of under ware.”
Shoe Shine Stand: “One shoe shined absolutely free.”
Sports Car: “The Keys Are on the Seat Next to the Doberman.”
Tailor Shop (Kowloon): “Customers giving orders will be swiftly executed.”
Towing Company #1: “Call us at any hour. We’re always on our tows.”
Truck (on right rear): “Pass on the right for that off-the-shoulder look.”
Venetian Blind Dealer’s Car: “Watch Out! Blind Man Driving!”
Waterbed Shop: “Your vinyl resting place.”
Weight-reduction Store: “A word to the wides is sufficient.” and “Stop! Look! Lessen!”
Wrestling Gym: “Our sport gets a hold on you.”
Wrigley Factory: “Gum in.”