An elderly couple, Minnie and Max, sit down to their Thanksgiving dinner. Before eating, his wife speaks up. “Can I ask you a question, Max?”
“Sure Minnie,” Max says, waiting to dig into his meal.
“Has our 50 years of marriage made you grateful?”
“Yes, indeed!” Max replied. “For the twenty years I was a bachelor!”
What does …
A jewelry-lovin’ turkey say? “Bauble, bauble, bauble”
A dyslexic turkey say? “Boggle, Boggle, Boggle”
A turkey in the shoe repair shop say? “Cobble, cobble, cobble”
A turkey who was an old-time movie fan say? “Gable, Gable, Gable!”
A turkey with a sore throat say? “Gargle, Gargle, Gargle”
A turkey with a sore leg say? “Hobble, hobble, hobble.”
A football turkey say? “Huddle, huddle, huddle”
A dieting turkey? “Nibble, nibble, nibble.”
A one-legged Cockney turkey? “‘Obble, ‘Obble, ‘Obble”
A turkey who argues a lot? “Squabble, squabble, squabble.”
What does Dr. Seuss’ turkey say? “Tweedle, beetle, paddle, battle, puddle, wobble, hobble, gobble.”
Then there was the dizzy Turkey who just went… “Wobble, Wobble, Wobble!”
Q. Why did pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
A. Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats.
Would you please help me I bought a 10 pound turkey. Could you tell me how long to cook it in my new microwave?
“Just a minute,” the food editor said, as he turned to check his reference book.
“Oh, thank you,” she said. “You’ve been a big help. Good-bye!”
Words That Don’t Exist
Ramdumbtious – Cross between being rowdy and not too bright.
Randumb – A foot chase gone bad.
Rawsome – The awesome health benefits of eating raw foods.
Rawtarian – A person that eats only raw foods.
Realicious – Really delicious.
Recomember – Recall, retain in the mind.
Refunable – Something you enjoyed so much you’d do it again.
Re-mail – An e-mail that has probably already made the rounds
once, but you think it is worth a second look.
Rememberize – Remembering and memorizing.
Repettyettyettyettyettyettitive – When you repeat something so
much that you can’t stop.
Richpublican – A Republican candidate for office.
Roomatism – Desk clerk malady.
Rowdeo – A canoe paddling competition.
Rundezvous – Running late for a meeting.
“Suppose we open a savings account for you?” Mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
“It’s your account, darling,” Mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.”
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for “Name of your former bank.”
A Dinner Blessing…..
Ed, was a strictly a ‘meat-and-potatoes’ man. Over the years, he’s learned to like more foods, but there are still two vegetables he won’t eat. His family likes to tease him about it.
One year at a holiday gathering, Ed got the last laugh when he gave this cute tongue-in-cheek blessing: Now we sit to eat what’s here; we pray no green stuff will appear. No Brussels sprouts or any such
and asparagus, Lord, would be too much. But give us meat that’s white or red and potatoes, corn and lots of bread. Some good brown gravy wouldn’t hurt and to top it off, some pie for dessert.
To My Bank
In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me. If one of my checks is returned marked “insufficient funds,” how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?
Navajo female wisdom
A saleswoman is driving toward home in Northern
Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking.
Because the trip had been long and quiet, she decides
to stop the car and give the Navajo woman a lift.
During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances
surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat
“If you’re wondering what’s in the bag,” offered the
saleswoman, “it’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my
The Navajo woman is silent for a while, nods several
times and says, ” Good trade.”
YOU MIGHT BE A SCROOGE IF:
– Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon.
– You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away.
– You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas.
– Your favorite version of “A Christmas Carol” stars Bob Packwood or Bill Clinton.
– Your favorite version of “Babes in Toyland” stars Michael Jackson.
– Your favorite version of “The Nutcracker” stars Andrew Golata.
– You get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night.
– You give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts.
– Your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon.
– Your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park.
– Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log.
– You think “Ho, Ho, Ho” is a line from a Rocky movie.
– Your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat.
– You use your Christmas Club money to buy wrestling tickets.
– Your favorite version of “Silent Night” is sung by OJ Simpson.
– Your favorite version of “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” is sung by the KKK choir.
– Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.