They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq.
Why don’t we just give them ours?
It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200
years, and we’re not using it anymore.
TEAPOT NURSERY RHYME
I’m a size challenged teapot, small in stature and generous of girth
Here is my non-judgmental holding device and
here is my non-pressurized, safety device enabled, fluid releasing orifice.
When I feel temperature augmented and in need of external expression
Then I exclaim in an elevated decibel, yet non-threatening verbal tone,
Adjust my angle and release my non-caffeinated, dairy free organic
booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.
“Food Shopping By Women
1. Park the car
2. Get a cart
3. Fill the cart with useful things in a record time.
4. Put the shopping in a rational way (All the fridge
stuff together, groceries in a separate bag, etc)
6. Go back home.
7. Empty the bags, put all groceries in the
appropriate cabinets, refrigerator compartments, etc., and
tidy everything up.
“Food Shopping By Men”
1. Park the car
2. Get into the store.
3. Get out of the store and pick a cart.
4. Get into the store.
5. Stroll through all the corridors of the store.
6. Stop by the magazines and browse the last
7. Buy a pair of socks, 2 frozen pizzas, a case of
beer, Sausages, pistachios and a comic (Optional:
Foldable, swimming pool in winter, Two helmets for the kids
in case they are going to use the bicycles, Fertilizer
(also in winter), some tools that he might use some day)
8. Don’t worry about milk, bread, eggs and other
9. Put the socks in the bag with the frozen items.
10. Find the slowest line and pay.
11. Go back home.
12. Leave the bags on the table.
13. Put the beers in the fridge.
14. Sit on the couch and read the comic until the
beers are cold.
Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15
and leave it alone.
The phone rings in heaven. St Peter answers: “Hello? Yes? yes? yes? just a moment.” Putting his hand over the receiver he continues, “God, it’s the Pope; he wants to discuss women in the clergy again.”
God, tired of the Pope and his problems, says, “Look, there are millions of people praying right now, and I’m trying to plan Armageddon. Tell him I’m just not available.”
“Of course,” St Peter replies. Removing his hand from the phone, he says to the Pope:
“She’s not available right now.”
The meek may inherit the earth, but probably just in time
to see it sold for taxes.
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an
American. “Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about
them, white when we get our tax bills and blue after we pay them.”
The American nodded. “It’s the same in the USA only we see stars too!”
A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife:
“Honey, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First, the good
news: I got $25,000.00 severance pay!”
His wife said: “$25,000.00 in severance pay? That’s great! Now,
what’s the bad news?”
He said: “Wait till you hear what was severed!”
Psychiatrists say girls tend to marry men like their fathers.
That is probably the reason mothers cry at weddings.