Customer: “Do you serve crabs here?” Waiter: “We serve anyone, please sit down!”
The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.
– Joseph Stilwell
He who knows not and knows he knows not is a wise man. He who knows not and knows not he knows not is a fool.
A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity.
– Benjamin Disraeli
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Happy B’day Elvis. Everyone eat a twinkie!
You may be a Redneck if several family members are Elvis impersonators. You may be a Redneck if you have a Jack Daniels Elvis decanter. You may be a Redneck if you have an Elvis Jell-O mold. You may be stupid if you believe Elvis still is alive.
You’re a mouse studying to be a rat.
– Wilson Mizner
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
– Winston Churchill
He has every attribute of a dog except loyalty.
– Thomas P. Gore
Q: How many jerks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one. He holds the lightbulb still and lets the world revolve around him.