Convert!

August 31, 2006 at 5:14 am (Businessmen, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, Jewish Jokes, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes)

Convert!

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when
they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign
posted that says, “Covert to Catholicism and get $10.”

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His
friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”

“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”

Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”

Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”

With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes
out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.

“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your ten dollars?”

Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”

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Audi Alteram Parten…..

August 29, 2006 at 11:58 pm (Attorney, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Law, Lawyer)

Audi Alteram Parten…..

During a Law course class, the ‘Audi Alteram Parten’ rule was explained. Translated it means “To hear the other party”

After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn’t understand the rule.

Responded one woman, “My husband!”

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EQUAL HOLIDAYS

August 28, 2006 at 7:21 pm (Businessmen, Funny, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Jewish Jokes, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes)

An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.

The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said, “Case dismissed!”

The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, “Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews, why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah … and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”

The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, “Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!”

The ACLU lawyer pompously said, “We are aware of no such holiday for atheists … just when might that be?”

The judge said, “Well it comes every year at the same time … April 1st!”

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illegal immigrants quotes – Tina Fey quotes

August 27, 2006 at 7:14 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Economics, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, Illegal Aliens, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Politics, Tina Fey, Tina Fey Quotes, Tina Fey Sayings)

“The Senate failed to reach a compromise on immigration legislation, which
would have allowed illegal immigrants who have been in the U.S. longer than
five years to remain, while those who have been here between two years and
five years would have to leave, but could return as guest workers. And
immigrants here less than two years will be right back with your entrees.”

-Tina Fey, SNL WEEKEND UPDATE

Famous Quotes

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.
– Tina Fey

President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary shook hands with the president and smiled warmly as he mispronounced their names.
 – Tina Fey

More Tina Fey Quotes

The New York Post quoted Senator Hillary Clinton saying that she would never run for President, declaring “That is not something I’m going to be doing. “Which in Clinton talk means “I will be President in three years.”
– Tina Fey

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say “scientists”? I meant “Irish people.”
– Tina Fey

More Tina Fey Sayings

Famous People

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FAIR TAXATION

August 26, 2006 at 7:05 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Economics, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Life, Tax, Taxation, Taxes)

Which sort of taxation is fairest?

At a business conference in Montpelier, Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they found fairest. There was a pause, and then a white haired man in the back raised his hand. “The poll tax,” he said.

“But the poll tax was repealed,” replied the commissioner.

“Ay-ah,” declared the man, “that’s what I like best about it.”

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irs jokes- funny jokes

August 25, 2006 at 6:58 pm (Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day)

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they
want! — Jerry Seinfeld

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Joke of the Day – Daffy Words…Read Very Slowly…

August 18, 2006 at 10:42 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Words)

Daffy Words…Read Very Slowly…

READ SLOWLY—-THESE ARE RATHER CLEVER!

1.  ARBITRATOR:   A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds

2.  AVOIDABLE:   What a bullfighter tried to do

3.  BERNADETTE:   The act of torching a mortgage

4.  BURGLARIZE:   What a crook sees with

5.  CONTROL:   A short, ugly inmate

6.  COUNTERFEITERS:   Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

7.  ECLIPSE:   What an English barber does for a living

8.  EYEDROPPER:  A clumsy ophthalmologist

9.  HEROES:   What a guy in a boat does

10.  LEFTBANK:   What the robber did when his bag was full of money

11.   MISTY:   How golfers create divots

12.   PARADOX:    Two physicians

13.   PARASITES:   What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14.   PHARMACIST:   A helper on the farm

15.   POLARIZE:    What penguins see with

16.  PRIMATE:    Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

17.   RELIEF:    What trees do in the spring

18.   RUBBERNECK:   What you do to relax your wife

19.  SELFISH:    What the owner of a seafood store does

20.  SUDAFED:   Brought litigation against a government official

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Joke of the Day – OWL LOVERS

August 18, 2006 at 1:14 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day)

OWL LOVERS
Each evening bird lover Tom Rowe stood in his backyard in Devon, England,
hooting like an owl – and one night, an owl called back to him.

For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Rowe
even kept a log of the “conversation.” Just as Rowe thought he was on the
verge of a breakthrough in inter-species communication, his wife had a chat
with next door neighbor, Nancy Hollis.

“My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls,” said Mrs. Rowe.

“That’s odd,” Mrs. Hollis replied. “So does my John.”

Then it dawned on them.

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Joke of the Day – Traffic

August 17, 2006 at 1:14 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Traffic, Travel Jokes)

Traffic

* Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a
   tire without losing your place in line.

* Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are
   just as many people trying to get to whatever you’re
   trying to get away from.

* You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush
   hour traffic. You’re glad for the opening, but you wonder
   who died.

* The only way to get home from work on time is to take
   the day off …. even then, you’re cutting it close.

* Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a
   hurry.

* You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some
   places have little exit ramps where you can pull over and
   make a car payment.

* During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to
   buy the car driving next to you.

* Our highways have become insane asylums with turn
   signals.

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Joke of the Day – Mothers

August 16, 2006 at 10:36 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Death, Death Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, Italian Jokes, Jewish Jokes, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Mother Jokes, Mothers)

Q: What’s the difference is between a Jewish mother and an
    Italian one?
A: An Italian mother says “Eat your dinner or I’ll kill you.”
    A Jewish mother says “Eat your dinner or I’ll kill myself.”

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