Halloween Jokes – Joke of the Day – Geriatrics Halloween
EIGHT SIGNS YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING
8. You get winded from knocking on the door.
7. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
6. You ask for high fiber candy only.
5. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance
and fall over.
4. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a
3. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the
2. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your
1. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
Democrats – Must be a Democrat
You must be a Democrat if: you believe it is a crime for a Republican congressman to be gay, but I am a gay basher if I will not let my son join a Boy Scout Troup that has a gay scoutmaster.
It is perfectly OK for Barney Franks- a gay Democrat- to have a house of prostitution for gays run out of his apartment that our tax money is paying for.By the way, can someone please tell me why a happy word like gay came to mean homosexual?
It is more awful that our military interrogates terrorist than it is for them to cut off my head on television.
We should just pull out of Iraq and wait to fight them when they attack New Orleans, San Franciso, Miami, and other border towns.
You belive illegal aleins should have all the benefits I have, yet they pay nothing for them. I have to pay for their upkeep.
You believe we should tax the rich. After all all they do with their money is just build more factories and hire more people in order to make them more money so they can build more factories so they can hire more people to help them build more factories……
It is perfectly reasonable to have a Democrat congressman keep $80,000 in his freezer.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How
was he killed?” asked one detective. “With a golf gun,” the other detective
replied. “A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?” “I don’t know. But it sure made
a hole in Juan.”
Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blondes….
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell off of a building, who would hit the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A: A Space Invader.
Funny Jokes – Fresh Dent
A man returned to his sports car to find a freshly dented fender and this note under the windshield wiper…
“The people who saw me hit your fender are now watching me write this note, and
probably figure I’m giving you my name and phone number so you can contact me and
send me the bill.
You should live so long!”
Funny Jokes – SOMEWHERE… IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE…
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
– One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
– The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
– The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
– The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
– The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
– The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, and another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.
– The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
– The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.
– The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm trees make her look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn’t raining.
– The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they’re satisfied because at least the English aren’t having any fun.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City?” The agent replies, “Just a
minute…” “Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you
will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred
letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and
shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this
money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”
“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman replied.
“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.
“No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time
trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.
“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in
“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take
you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.”
The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that?
I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”
The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like
after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine.”