Near Death Experience
THE MONITOR confirmed cardiac arrest as an elderly man suddenly lost consciousness. After about 20 seconds of resuscitation, he came to.
Explaining to him that his heart had momentarily stopped, I asked if he remembered anything unusual during that time.
“I saw a bright light,” he said, “and in front of me a man dressed in white.”
Zeroing in on this near-death impression, I inquired if he could describe the figure.
“Sure, doctor,” he replied. “It was you.”
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A paperboy said to a customer one day, “Mr. Smith, I wish I had twenty customers like you.”
“Gosh, that’s nice to hear,” said Smith, “but I’m kind of surprised considering I never tip all that well and always pay late.”
The paperboy said, “I know, but I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is I have one hundred and forty!”
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Answering Machine Messages
Hi, this is Stephanie’s answering machine.
If you’re the phone company asking for money, stop bugging her, she’ll send it sooner or later. If you’re a TV company advertising TVs, she already has a TV with every channel known to man, and several known to monkeys.
If you called for any other reasons, please hang up the phone, start screaming, and run to the nearest shoe store. When you get there, ask them for a cheeseburger. (This probably won’t help you, but we’ll always have something to laugh about when we’re bored.)
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Happy New Year…Is Everybody Happy!!!??? (Author A. Nonymous)
I want you to be the first to send you this Happy New Year greeting
As I reflect on 2008, I can say we had a great year:
Blacks are happy: Obama was elected.
Whites are happy: O.J. Simpson is in jail.
Democrats are happy: George Bush is leaving office.
Republicans are happy: Democrats will finally quit saying George Bush stole the election.
And all of us are happy: The election is finally over!
2009 should be even better:
Immediately after his inauguration, Barack Hussein Obama will balance the budget, revive the economy, solve the real estate problem, solve the auto industry problem, solve our gas/alternative energy problem, stop the fires and mudslides in California, ban hurricanes and tornadoes, stop identity theft, reverse global warming, find Osama bin Laden, solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, get rid of corruption in government and achieve world peace. Then on the 7th day, He will go back to Hawaii and rest!
– Source unknown (it came from my MIL)
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