Christmas Gifts

September 8, 2008 at 4:47 am (Christmas, Christmas Humor, Christmas Jokes, Comedy, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Entertainment, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Joke of the Day – What To Say About That “Special” Christmas Gift

Christmas Humor

Hey! There’s a gift!

Well, well, well …

Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.

This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

Gosh! I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

To think…I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

I really don’t deserve this.

It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.

Quite Funny Jokes

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Joke of the Day – Funny Jokes – Three Canadian Blondes…..

November 13, 2007 at 5:00 am (Blonde, Blonde Jokes, Blondes, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Death, Death Jokes, Entertainment, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes) (, , , , , , , )

Funny Jokes – Three Canadian Blondes…..

Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves standing before
St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom,
they had to tell him what Easter represented. The first blonde
said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give
thanks and eat turkey.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished
her to Hell.

The second blonde said, “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth
and exchange gifts.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her
to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter
said, “So, tell me.” She said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that
coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having
Passover feast with his disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and
the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and
eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very
large boulder … ” St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.” Then the
blonde continued, “Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder
and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks
of hockey.”

St. Peter fainted.

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Funny Jokes – Spirited KITTY

October 27, 2007 at 5:29 am (Aging Jokes, Animals, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Death, Death Jokes, Entertainment, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Halloween, Halloween Humor, Halloween Jokes, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Life After Death) (, , , , , , )

Funny Jokes – Spirited KITTY

A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe’s bar for some
time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender.

One evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through
the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when Gabe
slammed the door, severing the cat’s tail at its base.

This proved too much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired
on the spot.

Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.

The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up
after the last customers had gone.

Approaching the back door he was startled to see an apparition of the old cat
mournfully holding its severed tail out, silently pleading for Gabe to put the
tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to the kitty afterworld complete.

Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost: “I can’t. You know the law:I
can’t retail spirits after 2:00 AM.”

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Stopover

October 16, 2007 at 5:30 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Entertainment, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Travel Jokes)

I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for
vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver
is $300,” said a cheery salesperson.

“And what about Salt Lake City?”

“We have a really great rate to Salt Lake–$99.00, but there is a
stopover.”

“Where?”

“In Denver.”

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Ten Reasons to just vacation at home

July 14, 2007 at 6:01 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Travel Jokes)

Top 10 Reasons to vacation at home

According to Thomas Cook in the UK, some holiday makers are just never satisfied.

Here are the top ten most bizarre and genuine customer complaints received by the firm in recent years:

1 On my holiday to Goain India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.

2 The beach was too sandy.

3 I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-year-old son, but he was too upset to use them as the fish frightened him.

4 It rained on my birthday.

5 Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.

6 I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

7 It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be
banned.

8 We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five euros (=A33.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.

9 None of the hotel staff was English, and the tea didn’t taste the same as at home.

10 I would like to complain about the price of alcohol in the resort. It was too cheap and I woke with a hangover every day.

Also visit : Quote of the Day

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Weight Loss

April 12, 2007 at 4:21 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Diet Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Mother Jokes, Mothers, Weight Loss Jokes, Women Jokes)

Weight Loss

Always looking for a way to drop a few pounds, I was listening closely to a radio spot for a weight-loss center. The announcer’s voice dripped calories as he intoned “Egg nog, gravy, stuffing, cranberries, apple pie…All delicious, but be careful.” He went on to describe more weight inducing items, and concluded by relaying the message that “The average American gains between four and seven pounds over the holiday season.”

My 5-year-old son, also listening, turned to me and said, “Oh, Mom, aren’t you glad you don’t have to worry about that?”

Surprised, I asked what he meant by that.

He replied, “‘Cause we’re not Average-Americans, we’re Irish- Americans! Right, Mommy?”

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Christmas Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blonde Christmas Trees

December 20, 2006 at 10:44 pm (Blonde, Blonde Jokes, Blondes, Christmas, Christmas Humor, Christmas Jokes, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day)

Christmas Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blonde Christmas Trees

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Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,

“I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s decorated or not!”

Sayings and Quotes
Christmas Recipes

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Funny Jokes – Atheists Holiday – Humor for the Holidays

November 17, 2006 at 11:31 pm (Atheist, Atheists, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Lawyer, Lawyer Jokes, Politics, Religious, Religious Jokes)

Funny Jokes – Atheists Holiday

An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.

The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said,

“Case dismissed!”

The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, “Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews, why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah … and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”

The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, “Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!”

The ACLU lawyer pompously said, “We are aware of no such holiday for atheists … just when might that be?”

The judge said, “Well it comes every year at the same time … April 1st!”

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