Holy Humor – Cowboy Joe

January 8, 2008 at 11:45 am (Comedy, Daily Joke, Entertainment, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes, Words) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Joke of the Day
Holy Humor

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began.
    “You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
    “I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe continued.
    “The sidewalk to the door,” Charlie corrected him.
    “Inside the door, I was met by this dude,” Joe went on.
    “That would be the usher,” Charlie explained.
    “Well, the usher led me down the chute,” Joe said.
    “You mean the aisle,” Charlie said.
    “Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there,” Joe continued.
    “Pew,” Charlie retorted.
    “Yeah,” recalled Joe. “That’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”

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Christians and light bulbs

December 27, 2007 at 1:26 pm (Comedy, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Entertainment, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humorous, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes) (, , , , , , , )

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1
Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of
darkness.

Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the
change and
decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk
about how
much better he old one was.

Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: ?
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the
need for a
light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that
light bulbs
work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern
dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we
will
explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,
fluorescent,
3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to
luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined.
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are
loved. You can be
a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting
service is
planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting
policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish:
What’s a light bulb?

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Cool Husband

December 26, 2007 at 12:05 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Entertainment, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humorous, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Marriage, Religious, Religious Jokes) (, , , , , , , , )

 

A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH &
HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HE CARRIES HER AROUND THE HOUSE.
THE WIFE IS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKS,
“DID THE PASTOR PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC?”
THE HUSBAND REPLIES, “NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS.”

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Joke of the Day – Funny Jokes – And God Created Dog and Cat

November 27, 2007 at 5:38 am (Animals, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Dogs, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humorous, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny Jokes – And God Created Dog and Cat

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the
answer to
‘Where do pets come from?’

Adam said, ‘Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every
day.
Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is
difficult for me
to remember how much you love me.’

And God said ‘No problem. I will create a companion for you that
will be
with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so
that you
will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish
or
childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you
as you
are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.’

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was
a good
animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be
with Adam
and it wagged its tail.

And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the
Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’

And God said, ‘No problem. Because I have created this new animal to
be a
reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my
own name,
and you will call him Dog.’

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him.
And Adam
was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged
his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to
the Lord
and said, ‘Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and
preens
like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has
indeed
taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.’

And the Lord said, ‘No problem. I will create for him a companion
who will
be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion
will remind
him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy
of
adoration.’

And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not
obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not
the
Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was
happy.

And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.

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Joke of the Day – Funny Jokes – Three Canadian Blondes…..

November 13, 2007 at 5:00 am (Blonde, Blonde Jokes, Blondes, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Death, Death Jokes, Entertainment, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Holiday Humor, Holiday Jokes, Holidays, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes) (, , , , , , , )

Funny Jokes – Three Canadian Blondes…..

Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves standing before
St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom,
they had to tell him what Easter represented. The first blonde
said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give
thanks and eat turkey.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished
her to Hell.

The second blonde said, “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth
and exchange gifts.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her
to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter
said, “So, tell me.” She said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that
coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having
Passover feast with his disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and
the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and
eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very
large boulder … ” St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.” Then the
blonde continued, “Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder
and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks
of hockey.”

St. Peter fainted.

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Joke of the Day – Funny Jokes – Theme Songs for Bible Characters….

November 10, 2007 at 5:02 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Entertainment, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes) (, , , , , , , , )

Funny Jokes – Theme Songs for Bible Characters….

Noah: “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head”

Adam and Eve: “Strangers in Paradise”

Lazarus: “The Second Time Around”

Esther: “I Feel Pretty”

Job: “I’ve Got a Right to Sing the Blues”

Moses: “The Wanderer”

Jezebel: “The Lady is a Tramp”

Samson: “Hair”

Salome: “I Could Have Danced All Night”

Daniel: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”

Joshua: “Good Vibrations”

Peter: “I’m Sorry”

Esau: “Born To Be Wild”

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: “Great Balls of Fire!”

The Three Kings: “When You Wish Upon a Star”

Jonah: “Got a Whale of a Tale”

Elijah: “Up, Up, and Away”

Methuselah: “Stayin’ Alive”

Nebuchadnezzar: “Crazy”

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Favorite Hymns

October 15, 2007 at 5:27 am (Aging Jokes, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Grandmother Jokes, Grandmothers, Humor, Humorous, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Life Jokes, Religious, Religious Jokes)

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are
going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing
whatever hymn that comes to your mind.”

The pastor shouted out “CROSS.” Immediately the congregation started
singing in unison, “THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.”

The pastor hollered out “GRACE.” The congregation began to sing
“AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.”

The pastor said “POWER” The congregation sang “THERE IS POWER
IN THE BLOOD.”

The Pastor said “SEX” The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone
was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other
afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, an 87-year-old
great-grandmother stood up and began to sing “PRECIOUS MEMORIES.”

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Kids Say the darndest things…

August 26, 2007 at 9:09 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Entertainment, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious Jokes)

Say Your Prayers

UNANSWERED PRAYER? The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her
father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his
sermon. One day, she asked him why.

“Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
messages, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”

“How come He doesn’t do it?” she asked.

BEING THANKFUL A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your
mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she
say?”

The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

EXPRESS PRAYER Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving,
Easter, and other special occasions; when he, typically, said a long prayer
over the food. One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, grandfather
(to our son’s surprise) asked a very brief blessing on the food. With a
gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his Grandfather and said, “You don’t
pray so long when you’re hungry, do you Grandpa?”

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER During the minister’s prayer, one Sunday, there was
a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary’s mother was horrified. She
pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Gary, whatever made you
do such a thing?”

Gary answered, soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle … and just
then He did!”

TIME TO PRAY A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

“Yes sir,” the boy replied.

“And, do you always say them in the morning, too?” the pastor >>> asked.

“No sir,” the boy replied. “I ain’t scared in the daytime.”

THE BLESSING My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she
turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the
blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” she replied. “Just say what you
hear >>> Mommy say,” my wife said.

Our daughter bowed her head and said, “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite
all these people to dinner?”

BEWARE OF TRASH One particular four-year old prayed, “And forgive us our
‘trash baskets’ as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS? When my daughter, Kelli, was 3, she and my son, Cody,
would say their nightly prayers, together. As most children do, we have to
bless >>> every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and
past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would
say, “And all girls.”

As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end,
my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always
add the part about all girls?”

Her response, “Because we always finish our prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

SAY A PRAYER Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother’s house Everyone was seated around the table as the food was
being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right
away.

“Johnny wait until we say our prayer.” “I don’t have to,” The boy replied.

“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We say a prayer, before eating,
at our house.”

“That’s our house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she
knows how to cook!

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A nun’s health

March 16, 2007 at 6:25 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Nun Jokes, Religious, Religious Jokes)

A nun’s health

A nurse noticed that a nun leaving the examination room in a doctor’s office had a horrified look on her face. The nurse asked the doctor, “What is wrong with that nun?” The doctor said, “Nothing; I examined her and told her that she is pregnant.” The nurse said, “Is she?” The doctor said, “No, but it sure cured her hiccups!”

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Preacher trades bike for mower

December 11, 2006 at 2:49 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Religious, Religious Jokes)

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. “How much do you want for the mower?” asked the preacher? “I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle”, said the little boy.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, “Will you take my bike in trade for it?” The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and after riding the bike around a little while said, “Mister, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, “I can’t get this mower to start.”

The little boy said, “That’s because you have to cuss at it to get it started.”
The preacher said, “I am a minister, and I cannot cuss. It has been so long since I have been saved that I do not even remember how to cuss.”

The little boy looked at him happily and said, “Just keep pulling on that rope. It’ll come back to ya!”

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