Funny Quotes – Money Quotes
Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.
Cold Weather Behavior…
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. Minnesotans plant gardens.50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in Duluth.
40 above zero: Import cars won’t start. Minnesotans drive with the sunroof open.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Bemidji gets thicker.
20 above zero: New Mexicans don long johns, parkas and wool hats & mittens. Minnesotans throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. People in Minnesota have one last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero: People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico Minnesotans dig their winter coats out of storage.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in Minnesota still selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington, D.C. finally runs out of hot air. People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because the Mini-Van won’t start.
460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in Minnesota can be heard to say, “Cold ’nuff fer ya?”
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Minnesota public schools open 2 hours late.
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans. The disease is contracted through ignorance coupled with dangerous and high-risk behavior.
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectem and pronounced “gonna re-elect’em.”
Many victims have contracted it and keep passing it around year after year.
The strain first appeared in early 2006…Mayor Nagin was returned to the mayors office. The current strain surfaced again this past fall when William Jefferson won the runoff election.
The Center for Disease Control has issued a severe warning this past week that there is danger this strain of Stupid Transmitted Disease in New Orleans may be in the process of mutating and infect the entire State of Louisiana by early fall just in time for the Governor’s election.