Mother’s Day Jokes

May 7, 2009 at 9:23 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Mother’s Day Joke

Last year I got my wife a Mothers’ Day gift that left her speechless.

In fact, she didn’t speak to me for three weeks.

Mother’s Day Jokes

Mothers Day Jokes

You Know You Have Become a Mother When…

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth even though your children are at school!

You start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you’ve reached over and started to cut up his steak!

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Government is the Great Fiction

May 5, 2009 at 6:34 am (1) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

– Frederic Bastiat

Quotes Funny

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Government Quotes – Funny Quotes

May 4, 2009 at 11:31 am (1) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny Government Quotes

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

– P.J. O’Rourke

Government Quotes

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Funny Quotes – Foreign Aid

May 3, 2009 at 7:09 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

– Douglas Casey

Funny Jokes

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Funny Quotes – Democracy

May 2, 2009 at 6:57 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes – Democracy Quotes

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

– James Bovard

Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes

May 1, 2009 at 6:24 am (1) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

– G. Gordon Liddy

Sayings

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes

April 26, 2009 at 11:15 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress.

– John Adams

Quote of the Day

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Johann Strauss – Joke of the Day

April 19, 2009 at 1:01 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Joke of the Day

Johann Strauss was an avid mountain climber who once waltzed himself into deep trouble. He lost his footing and found himself hanging by his fingertips over a bottomless gorge.

Another climber heroically came to his rescue and just managed to grab Johann by a strap of his backpack to save the Maestro’s life. Since then, the act of trying to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation has come to be known as…

…grasping at Strauss.

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Lion Tamer Needed

April 10, 2009 at 4:51 pm (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny Jokes

Joke of the Day

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.. The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment — chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, “Can you top that?” The tough old golfer replies,

“No problem, just get that lion out of there

Jokes Funny Jokes

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Horrible Car Wreck

April 3, 2009 at 9:39 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

THE CAR WRECK

The first year student had just gotten a beat up old VW beetle from his parents. When he took it for a spin, he misjudged the curve and overturned the car directly between the house of Mr and Mrs Smith and Mr and Mrs Balls

… luckily, he was pulled out by the Smiths.

Funny Jokes

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