For Those Who Enjoy Language

October 11, 2008 at 3:50 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

For Those Who Enjoy Language

1. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris…are in-seine.

2. A backward poet writes…inverse.

3. A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

4. Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

5. Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

6. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

7. A man needs a mistress…just to break the monogamy.

8. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

9. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

11. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

12. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

13. When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

14. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

15. The definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)

16. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

17. In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

18. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

19. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

20. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

21. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

22. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

23. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

24. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

25. Local Area Network in Australia: … the LAN down under.

26. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

27. Every calendar’s days are numbered.

28. A lot of money is tainted – It taint yours and it taint mine.

29. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

30. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

31. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

32. A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.

33. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

34. Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

35. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

36. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

37. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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Joke of the Day – English Language

November 11, 2007 at 5:15 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Education Jokes, Entertainment, Fun, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Funny Stuff, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Words) (, , , , , , , , )

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

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