How to avoid the flu

November 29, 2006 at 2:31 am (Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Funny, Funny Humor, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Life, Sick Jokes) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

How to avoid the flu

Swine Flu Jokes

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the
elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial
stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Get plenty of rest.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach. Think about it, when you go
for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because
alcohol kills germs. So……
I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery
in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell
jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it,
if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!

Swine Flu Jokes

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Joke of the Day – Heard By Technicians

September 28, 2006 at 11:21 am (Computer Jokes, Computers, Daily Joke, Daily Jokes, Engineer Jokes, Engineers, Funny, Funny Jokes, Humor, Internet, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Sick Jokes, Tech Support Jokes)

Joke of the Day – Heard By Technicians

Things heard by tech support:

Customer: “Will this upgrade include Microwave 97?”

Customer: (Referring to Microsoft Defrag.) “I ran Microwave Defrost, but it didn’t help.”

Customer: “I have Microword Soft.”

Customer: “Microwave Windows?”

Customer: “It’s not my computer that is slow. I have a 200 horse power hard drive.”

Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”

Customer: “I have Netscape Regulator.”

Customer: “Uhh…I have Newscape and Outlook Exposure.”

Customer: “I have a US Robotics Sportscaster modem.”

Customer: “I have Microscope Exploiter.”

Customer: “I have Netscape Complicator.”

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Poor Casey

September 14, 2006 at 3:56 am (Death, Funny Humor, Sick Jokes)

Poor Casey

Casey came home from the doctor looking very worried.
His wife said, “What’s the problem?”

He said, “The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day
for the rest of my life.”

She said, “So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day
their whole lives.”

He said, “I know, but he only gave me four pills!”

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Joke of the Day » The wrong color – an off-color joke?

July 31, 2006 at 6:55 pm (Daily Joke, Death, Death Jokes, Fun, Funny, Funny Joke, Funny Jokes, Gross, Gross Humor, Gross Jokes, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Blogs, Humour, joke, Joke of the Day, Jokes, Jokes of the Day, Off-Color, Sick Jokes)

Joke of the Day » The wrong color – an off-color joke?

A woman went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.

The instant she saw him she started crying.

One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.

She says to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”

“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the man.

He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”

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