Funny Jokes – Golf Jokes – Joke of the Day
Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
– Grantland Rice
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
– Horace G. Hutchinson
Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.
It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
– Mark Twain
Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
– Harry Vardon
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
– Jimmy DeMaret
May thy ball lie in green pastures – and not in still waters.
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
– George Deukmejian
Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
– John Updike
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
– Robert Lynd
They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
– Gardner Dickinson
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
– Sam Snead
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
– William Wordsworth
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
– Dean Martin
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
– Tommy Bolt
I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes – they’d come up sliced.
My handicap? Woods and irons.
– Chris Codiroli
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.
– Pete Dye
I’m hitting the woods just great – but having a terrible time getting out of them!
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
– Billy Graham
If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
– Jack Lemmon
If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.