A 97 year old man goes into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.”
“Sir”, replied the doctor, “You’re 97. Don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?”
“You’re darn right it is!” replied the old man. “That’s why I want it lowered!”
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady,
was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his
“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.
“No, I don’t,” she replied.
“Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in Mexico with a
big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank,
dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw
them into boxes of the right size.”
She didn’t crack a smile.
“Oh, well. I tried,” he thought.
But five minutes later, during the procedure she burst out
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“I was just envisioning how condoms are made!”
Joke of the Day » The wrong color – an off-color joke?
A woman went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.
The instant she saw him she started crying.
One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”