Joke of the Day – Directions – Jewish Grandmother
Directions
A Jewish grandmother giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife: “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.
Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell”.
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”?
“You’re coming empty handed”?
EQUAL HOLIDAYS
EQUAL HOLIDAYS
An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.
The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said, “Case dismissed!”
The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, “Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews, why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah … and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”
The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, “Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!”
The ACLU lawyer pompously said, “We are aware of no such holiday for atheists … just when might that be?”
The judge said, “Well it comes every year at the same time … April 1st!”
Convert!
Convert!
Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when
they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign
posted that says, “Covert to Catholicism and get $10.”
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His
friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes
out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your ten dollars?”
Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”
EQUAL HOLIDAYS
An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.
The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said, “Case dismissed!”
The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, “Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews, why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah … and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”
The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, “Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!”
The ACLU lawyer pompously said, “We are aware of no such holiday for atheists … just when might that be?”
The judge said, “Well it comes every year at the same time … April 1st!”
Joke of the Day – Mothers
Q: What’s the difference is between a Jewish mother and an
Italian one?
A: An Italian mother says “Eat your dinner or I’ll kill you.”
A Jewish mother says “Eat your dinner or I’ll kill myself.”
