Joke of the Day – Boring Flight
Bored during a long flight, an eminent scholar leaned over
and woke up the sleeping man next to him to ask if he would
like to play a game.
“I’ll ask you a question,” the scholar explained, “and if
you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a
question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50.”
When the man agreed to play, the scholar asked, “What’s the
distance from the earth to the moon?” Flummoxed, the man
handed him $5. “Ha!” said the scholar. “It’s 238,857 miles.
Now it’s your turn.”
The man was silent for a few moments. Then he asked, “What
goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
Puzzled, the scholar racked his brains for an hour–but to
no avail. Finally he took out his wallet and handed over
$50. “Okay, okay, what is the answer?” the scholar asked.
The man said, “I don’t know,” pulled out a $5 bill, handed
it to the scholar, and went back to sleep.
The Present
The Present
A woman goes to France to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers, “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says, “A French girl!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you”.
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?”
“What I asked for…. the French girl?
“Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl…”
IMPORTANT STOCK WARNING
IMPORTANT STOCK WARNING:
Normally we avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of stock, but we felt
this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove
to be yet another ENRON.
Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can,
Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue Company.
I advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas.
You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and
millions were wiped clean!
It’s a tough market out there. Be careful.
Funny Jokes – Golf Jokes – Golf with Gus
Funny Jokes – Golf Jokes – Golf with Gus
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home
on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she
becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into
the driveway.
“What happened?” asked the wife. “You should have been home hours ago!”
“Gus had a heart attack at the third hole,” replied the husband.
“Oh, that’s terrible,” said the wife.
“I know,” the husband answered. “All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Gus,
hit the ball, drag Gus . . . “
Convert!
Convert!
Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when
they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign
posted that says, “Covert to Catholicism and get $10.”
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His
friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes
out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your ten dollars?”
Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”
EQUAL HOLIDAYS
An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.
The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said, “Case dismissed!”
The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, “Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews, why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah … and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”
The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, “Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!”
The ACLU lawyer pompously said, “We are aware of no such holiday for atheists … just when might that be?”
The judge said, “Well it comes every year at the same time … April 1st!”
Joke of the Day – LIFE AFTER DEATH
Joke of the Day – LIFE AFTER DEATH
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, Sir,” the new employee replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
Joke of the Day – HALF PRICE
Joke of the Day – HALF PRICE
US Air recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their
husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department
sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Letters are still pouring in asking, “What
trip?”
