Joke of the Day – Funny Jokes – Three Canadian Blondes…..
Funny Jokes – Three Canadian Blondes…..
Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves standing before
St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom,
they had to tell him what Easter represented. The first blonde
said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give
thanks and eat turkey.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished
her to Hell.
The second blonde said, “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth
and exchange gifts.” St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her
to Hell.
The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter
said, “So, tell me.” She said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that
coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having
Passover feast with his disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and
the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and
eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very
large boulder … ” St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.” Then the
blonde continued, “Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder
and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks
of hockey.”
St. Peter fainted.
Blonde Jokes – Funny Blonde Jokes – Funny Jokes
She was Soo Blonde.
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says “Sign here:” she
wrote “Sagittarius.”
Brunette
Counting
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to
rail, singing “21″ “21″ “21″.
A blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also
starts jumping from rail to rail, singing “21″ “21″ “21″.
Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle, and she jumps off
the tracks just as the blonde is splattered all over the place.
After the train passes, the brunette goes back to jumping from
rail to rail, counting and singing, “22″ “22″ “22″
Funny Jokes – Joke of the Day – Stupidest Statements Awards
“Stupidest Statements Awards” of 2006
The “Stupidest Statements Awards” of 2006, bestowed upon famous people for their misjudgments and misstatements, have just been announced by Mega Genius, “the man with the perfect IQ.” His fourth annual prizes of recognition for what he calls “crash-and-burn lapses in intelligence” by well-known personalities are just for fun.
1. Paris Hilton, “celebutante” and hotel heiress who revealed to the Los Angeles Times, “The stupid blond stereotype, it was cute for a while, but I’m over that now,” (August 13, 2006) for her grasp of world affairs, when asked by British GQ magazine if she was a fan of Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the UK: “Tony who? Oh yeah, he’s like your president? I don’t know what he looks like.” August 5, 2006.
2. Ted Stevens, 82-year-old US Senator from Alaska and chairman of the Senate Committee on Science, Commerce and Transportation, for explaining in a speech how the Internet actually works: “It’s a series of tubes.” June 28, 2006.
3. Guy Fournier, chairman of the Canadian Broadcasting Corp., for his false allegation in Quebec’s 7 Jours magazine, which resulted in his resignation: “[Translated] In Lebanon, the law allows men to have sexual intercourse with animals, as long as they are females. Doing the same thing with male beasts can result in the death penalty.” September 9, 2006.
4. George W. Bush, US President, for his answer at a press conference when he was asked if the tide was turning in Iraq: “I think tide turning see, as I remember I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of it’s easy to see a tide turn did I say those words?” June 14, 2006.
5. Charles Barkley, Basketball Hall of Famer, for his approach to his gambling addiction, which he told ESPN was a “stupid habit” that he estimated had cost him $10 million: “Do I think it’s a bad habit? Yes, I think it’s a bad habit. Am I going to continue to do it? Yes, I’m going to continue to do it.” May 3, 2006.
6. Andrew Young, civil rights leader and former Georgia congressman, UN ambassador and Atlanta mayor, who was hired to improve Wal-Mart’s image, but then resigned after telling the Los Angeles Sentinel that mom-and-pop stores have been overcharging for “stale bread and bad meat and wilted vegetables” and that Wal-Mart should cause them to close: “Well, I think they should. I think they’ve ripped off our communities enough. First it was Jews, then it was Koreans and now it’s Arabs; very few black folks own these stores.” August 17, 2006.
7. George Allen, US Senator and former Governor of Virginia (whose mother comes from Tunisia), for his repeated use of a North African racial slur during a political rally “Macaca” (monkey) directed at a 20-year-old Virginian native, of Indian descent, who worked for the senator’s political opponent: “Let’s give a welcome to Macaca here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia.” August 11, 2006.
8. Michael Richards, three-time Emmy Award winning actor who played Cosmo Kramer on the hit TV show “Seinfeld,” for his onstage racial tirade at the Laugh Factory, in West Hollywood, after a black heckler shouted that he wasn’t funny: Fifty years ago, we’d have you upside down with a [bleep] fork up your [bleep]! You can talk, you can talk, you’re brave now, [bleep]. Throw his [bleep] out. He’s a [bleep]! He’s a [bleep]! He’s a [bleep]! A [bleep], look, there’s a [bleep] November 17, 2006.
9. Alan Hevesi, New York State Comptroller, for his allegation in his commencement address, at Queen’s College, describing US Senator Charles Schumer, his fellow state politician, in a manner that he later admitted was “beyond dumb,” “incredibly moronic,” and “remarkably stupid”: “The man who, how do I phrase this diplomatically, who will put a bullet between the president’s eyes if he could get away with it.” June 1, 2006.
10. Dave Lenihan, talk show host at radio station KTRS, in St. Louis, for mispronouncing the word “coup” when praising US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s qualifications for National Football League commissioner: “She loves football. She’s African-American, which would kind of be a big coon. A big coon! Oh my god! I am totally, totally, totally, totally, totally sorry for that!” March 22, 2006.
Christmas Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blonde Christmas Trees
Christmas Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blonde Christmas Trees
Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,
“I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s decorated or not!”
Joke of the Day – Famous Quotes – Funny Quotes – Joan Rivers Quotes
Joke of the Day – Famous Quotes – Funny Quotes – Joan Rivers Quotes
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.”
- Joan Rivers
Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blondes….
Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes – Blondes….
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell off of a building, who would hit the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A: A Space Invader.
Source: Jokes Blonde Jokes
Joke of the Day – A blonde’s flight to Houston
Joke of the Day – A blonde’s flight to Houston
A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m going to stay right here!” The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blond bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here!”
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest the dumb blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says “You say she is blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says “Oh, I’m sorry,” gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy Section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
“I told her First Class wasn’t going to Houston.”
