You’re a real baseball fanatic if you think the last words to the Star
Spangled Banner are: “Play Ball!”
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like baseball games?
A: Because he gets to see some balls.
The difference between politics and baseball is that in baseball, when
you’re caught stealing, you’re out….
Wade Boggs, Steve Garvey and Pete Rose are in a bar. A pretty woman walks by
and Boggs says, “I’m going to ask her out.”
Garvey replied, “You can’t do that, she’s carrying my baby.”
To which Rose added, “You wanna bet?”
Joke of the Day – The Bachelor Diet
Breakfast – Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday?
Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your
Lunch – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers”
– those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime
but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries,
a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the
way back for a family size bottle of Maalox.
Afternoon Snack – Drink the Maalox
Dinner – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece
dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.
Breakfast – Eat the coleslaw
Lunch – Go to the office vending machine and
put dollar and fifty cents in and close your eyes,
push a button and eat whatever comes out
swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
Dinner – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at
Breakfast – Jaws couldn’t eat Breakfast after
a night at El Flasho’s
Lunch – Rolaids and a coke
Dinner – Drop in at a married friends house
and beg for scraps.
Breakfast – Order out for pizza
Lunch – Your secretary is out sick, check
Monday’s gutbomber sack for leftovers.
Dinner – Go to a bar and drink yourself silly,
when you get hungry ask the bartender for
Breakfast – Eggs, sausage, and an English
muffin at McDonald’s. Eat the Styrofoam plate
and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s
better for you.
Lunch – Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder
Dinner – Steak, well-done, baked potato, and
asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody
really likes asparagus.
Breakfast – Sleep through it.
Lunch – Ditto
Dinner – Steak, Well done, baked potato, and
brussel sprouts. Don’t eat the Brussel Sprouts.
Take them home and plant them in a hanging
Breakfast – Three Bloody Mary’s and half a
Lunch – Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz?
Don’t eat Lunch.
Dinner – Chicken noodle soup – Call home
and ask about renting your old room.