Thanksgiving Joke – How Long to Cook a Turkey
Thanksgiving Jokes
Would you please help me I bought a 10 pound turkey. Could you tell me how long to cook it in my new microwave?
“Just a minute,” the food editor said, as he turned to check his reference book.
“Oh, thank you,” she said. “You’ve been a big help. Good-bye!”
Thanksgiving Jokes
A Woman’s Four Favorite Animals
Favorite Animals
What are a woman’s four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
Funny Jokes
Elephant Picture
Jake is five years old and learning to read.
elephant!”
Deep breath from Mama … “What did you call it?”
“It’s a frickin’ elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!”
And so it does …
“A f r i c a n Elephant.”
Hooked on phonics! Ain’t it wonderful?
Joke of the Day – Eyes like an eagle
Searching
As a salesman, I was searching for a certain company in unfamiliar territory. I came to a likely-looking road marked with a small red sign reading: Industrial Center. I was not certain that this was the right road, so I drove back to a gas station to inquire.
The attendant took my arm and pointed to the sign that I had just read, now barely discernible in the distance.
“See that little sign about three blocks away?” he asked.
“You mean the red one that says Industrial Center?” I asked.
“Man!” he exclaimed. “You’ve got eyes like an eagle!”
Johnny wanted to be an accountant,
so he went for an aptitude test:
Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two
rabbits, and another two rabbits, how
many rabbits have you got?
Johnny: SEVEN!
Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give
you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and
another two rabbits, how many rabbits
have you got?
Johnny: SEVEN!
Tester: Let’s try this another way. If I give
you two bottles of beer, and two bottles of
beer, and another two bottles of beer, how
many bottles of beer have you got?
Johnny: SIX.
Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits,
and two rabbits, and another two rabbits,
how many rabbits have you got?
Johnny: SEVEN!
Tester: How on Earth do you work out that
three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Johnny: I’ve already got one rabbit
at home now!
Joke of the Day – Funny Jokes – And God Created Dog and Cat
Funny Jokes – And God Created Dog and Cat
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the
answer to
‘Where do pets come from?’
Adam said, ‘Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every
day.
Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is
difficult for me
to remember how much you love me.’
And God said ‘No problem. I will create a companion for you that
will be
with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so
that you
will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish
or
childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you
as you
are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.’
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was
a good
animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be
with Adam
and it wagged its tail.
And Adam said, ‘Lord, I have already named all the animals in the
Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.’
And God said, ‘No problem. Because I have created this new animal to
be a
reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my
own name,
and you will call him Dog.’
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him.
And Adam
was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged
his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam’s guardian angel came to
the Lord
and said, ‘Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and
preens
like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has
indeed
taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.’
And the Lord said, ‘No problem. I will create for him a companion
who will
be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion
will remind
him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy
of
adoration.’
And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not
obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not
the
Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved. And Dog was
happy.
And Cat didn’t care one way or the other.
Joke of the day – Three Mice
Three male mice are sitting at a bar with three shots of tequila,
arguing about how tough they are.
The first mouse says, “I’m so tough, I break into the cupboard just to eat
the rat poison.” He slams down his tequila and looks at the
second mouse.
The second mouse replies, “That’s nothing. I’m so tough, I run through a
mouse trap, grab the cheese, flip onto my back & benchpress the killer springed
trapwire.” He slams down his tequila and looks at the third mouse.
The third mouse slams down his tequila, slides off his stool and begins
walking away from the bar. The other mice scream, “Hey, Softy, where do you
think you’re going?”
The third mouse replies, “Home to shag the cat.”
Funny Jokes – Spirited KITTY
Funny Jokes – Spirited KITTY
A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe’s bar for some
time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender.
One evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through
the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when Gabe
slammed the door, severing the cat’s tail at its base.
This proved too much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired
on the spot.
Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.
The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up
after the last customers had gone.
Approaching the back door he was startled to see an apparition of the old cat
mournfully holding its severed tail out, silently pleading for Gabe to put the
tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to the kitty afterworld complete.
Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost: “I can’t. You know the law:I
can’t retail spirits after 2:00 AM.”
Funny Jokes – Postal Service
The Postal Service honored legendary Secretariat with his own stamp.
That shows you how strange life is for racehorses.
You win the race, you wind up on the front of the stamp.
Lose a race, you wind up on the back.
Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took
their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big bowl of oatmeal,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table
and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a root beer float,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy, “but why
have you only ordered
beer all evening?”
The third piggy says -
“Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee,
all the way home!”
